Understanding Attachment and Trauma
Attachment shapes how we relate to others, ourselves, and the world. Early experiences with caregivers lay the foundation for emotional security, trust, and self-worth. However, when attachment wounds occur—whether through neglect, inconsistent caregiving, or trauma—they can deeply impact our nervous system, relationships, and ability to feel safe in the world.
Many who struggle with attachment wounds find themselves repeating painful relationship patterns, struggling with self-doubt, or feeling emotionally disconnected. These wounds are not just psychological—they are stored in the body and nervous system. This is where Attachment-Focused EMDR (AF-EMDR) can help.
What Is Attachment-Focused EMDR?
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a well-researched trauma therapy that helps reprocess distressing memories so they no longer hold the same emotional charge. Attachment-Focused EMDR (developed by Dr. Laurel Parnell) builds on this by integrating a more relational and resourcing-based approach, designed specifically for those with attachment trauma. Unlike traditional EMDR, which primarily targets traumatic memories, AF-EMDR incorporates a focus on early attachment experiences, helping clients repair emotional injuries from childhood and build healthier relational patterns.
Rather than only focusing on single traumatic events, AF-EMDR recognizes that attachment wounds develop over time and often involve a lack of safety, attunement, and emotional regulation. This approach prioritizes building internal and external resources, strengthening the nervous system, and allowing for a sense of connection and repair. (AF-EMDR) is a specialized form of EMDR designed for people struggling with deep-rooted relationship wounds.
How Attachment Wounds Show Up in Everyday Life
- Struggling with trust or fear of abandonment in relationships.
- People-pleasing, overachieving, or avoiding intimacy to protect yourself.
- Feeling anxious, unworthy, or emotionally dysregulated when triggered.
- A deep fear of rejection or difficulty expressing emotions.
- Feeling like you are “too much” or “not enough.”
These patterns are not just thoughts—they are survival strategies developed by our nervous system to keep us safe. AF-EMDR helps gently untangle these strategies and create space for more secure, embodied connections.
How Does Attachment Impact Healing?
Our earliest relationships—particularly those with caregivers—shape the way we connect, trust, and feel safe in relationships. If those early bonds were inconsistent, neglectful, or harmful, they can create lasting patterns of insecurity, avoidance, or emotional dysregulation. AF-EMDR helps process these attachment wounds, allowing the nervous system to shift from protection mode to connection mode.
Who Benefits Most from Attachment-Focused EMDR?
AF-EMDR is especially helpful for people who:
- Struggle with relationship anxiety or avoidance.
- Have difficulty trusting others or feeling emotionally safe.
- Feel “stuck” in patterns of unhealthy relationships.
- Experience deep emotional distress when facing rejection or abandonment.
- Have unresolved childhood trauma or neglect
The Role of Polyvagal Theory in Attachment-Focused EMDR
Polyvagal Theory helps explain why attachment wounds are so deeply embedded in the nervous system. When we experience relational trauma, our nervous system may remain stuck in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses, making connection feel unsafe. AF-EMDR helps regulate these responses, enabling clients to feel safer in relationships and more connected to themselves.
What to Expect in Attachment-Focused EMDR
- Resourcing & Regulation – Before addressing trauma, we build positive resources to create a sense of stability and internal safety. This may include guided imagery, grounding techniques, or strengthening relationships with supportive figures (real or imagined).
- Repairing Early Attachment Wounds – AF-EMDR works with past experiences through a relational lens, incorporating the presence of an attuned therapist and using reparative imagery (such as imagining a nurturing caregiver or protector).
- Reprocessing & Integration – Using bilateral stimulation (eye movements, tapping, or sound), we reprocess distressing memories, allowing them to be stored differently in the brain. This helps reduce emotional reactivity and rewrite limiting beliefs.
- Strengthening Secure Attachment – The final phase reinforces new, healthier attachment patterns, allowing you to feel more connected to yourself and others.
Why Choose AF-EMDR?
Many traditional talk therapies focus on insight and cognitive shifts—but attachment trauma is deeply somatic and relational. AF-EMDR works directly with the nervous system, helping clients feel, rather than just understand, what it means to be safe, connected, and worthy. This approach provides a structured yet deeply compassionate way to heal relational wounds. It helps clients not only reprocess painful memories but also cultivate self-compassion, emotional regulation, and healthier relationships moving forward.
At Futsi Therapy, we specialize in trauma-informed care and offer EMDR as a standalone treatment or combined with somatic therapy, Internal Family Systems (IFS), and attachment-based approaches.
- Gentle & Slow-Paced – Ideal for those with complex trauma or sensitivity to traditional EMDR.
- Resourcing-Based – Focuses on building strengths before diving into trauma.
- Relational Healing – Uses guided imagery and somatic awareness to repair attachment wounds.
Finding Healing with AF-EMDR
If you resonate with any of the patterns above, know that healing is possible. Attachment wounds were formed in relationships—and they can be healed in relationships. AF-EMDR provides a safe space to reprocess painful memories, develop self-compassion, and move toward more secure and fulfilling connections.
Are you ready to explore how Attachment-Focused EMDR can support your healing journey? Contact us to learn more or book a consultation. Your healing matters. 💙